Mental Health: The Reality of Self-Love and Inner Work

We say it all the time but what does it even look like, what does it feel like, and how do we even do it?

As I am getting older, my understanding and experience with self-love and doing inner work deepens, it broadens, and it teaches me everyday. It’s always evolving and for that, self-love and inner work will never be overrated.

And the more I understand about therapy and mental health, the more I realize that even though we have different pain points, narratives, and situations, ultimately many of us seek help because we are struggling to learn how to love and accept ourselves. We no longer know how to cope on auto pilot like we’ve done up until now. We don’t know how to make sense of our lives or the way we are. We’re tired. And the only way out is to dig from within.

It’s really not about rewards, treating yourself out, and happy posts on Instagram. #SelfLove

It actually consists of much darker days, tougher moments, and pushing your limits.

And that’s probably why so many of us give up and stay in toxic cycles with toxic habits for a long time, even for a lifetime.

Because Self-Love and Inner Work is the ultimate mental, emotional, and spiritual transformation. It is the reformatting of your mind, the reconfiguration of your heart, and the revelation of your authentic soul.

It is the self-compassion to learn, hear, and understand why you do the things you do, and why you feel the way you feel.

It is the fair judgement of calling yourself out when you hurt others and when you hurt yourself.

And it is self-discipline to hold yourself accountable knowing it’s okay that you didn’t know before, but it’s not okay now that you know. It is the action plan of baby steps you are going to take to change.

It is the self-acceptance you practice, because realistically you are born with the cards you have, and the game is to learn how to play your cards correctly. Because we can’t take away anxiety, we can’t take away depression, we can’t take away mental health conditions, because it would require taking away our DNA and ultimately our existence. We can’t take away, we have to learn, to accept, to validate; to cope, heal and healthily operate.

It is the discomfort you put yourself through because it’s going to hurt before it gets better, it’s going to take practice before you’re good at it, and it’s going to be tempting because comfort lies in old habits.

Self-Love and Inner Work is going to be a bunch of rainy and muddy days, with a sudden day of sunshine realizing you made it a couple steps; you made it over a mountain — you’ve maybe even crossed a bridge.

And it is the self-forgiveness when you relapse.

It is the tears and heart-clenching on your bedroom floor, for realizing how much you’ve pushed away the very people who’ve only tried to love you, but also for realizing how much you’ve been pushing away and torturing yourself too.

And it is another round, of self-forgiveness when you recognize this.

It is being brave when you are face-to-face with your trauma.

It is being afraid knowing you could’ve lived your whole life never caring for it.

It’s being absolutely alone with yourself, no distractions to cover the noise of your mind and the anxiety sitting on your chest.

But it’s also being surrounded by a support system that cheers you on, marks your checkpoints, lights your path when it’s too dark, and lets you know when you’re slipping up.

It’s being so proud and overjoyed on a happy day or a rare moment of stillness and clarity.

It’s also being super gentle when we didn’t do so great — when we can’t seem to feel better today.

It’s celebrating the new you, and it’s grieving the old.

And absolutely, it is the knowledge that Self-Love and Inner Work is not a destination, it is a journey, a conscious decision to live a more mindful life. It is the medicine to giving yourself a better chance to live as the most authentic version of yourself. It is a lifetime commitment. And it is the reward, because you deserve it, you deserve healing, you deserve love, and you deserve knowing you are whole, you are enough, and you are perfectly human.